Perfectionism is when you're gripped by the feeling of having to do more and/or having to do it right.
There's no room for failure and there's an illusory set of high standards that you'll probably never meet. You’re never going to meet them because one of the foundations of perfectionism is the fear of not being good enough. So no matter how extraordinary your outcomes are, it’ll still feel like it’s not enough.
The other foundation of perfectionism is the fear of not being lovable.
Ultimately both fears’ fear ( a mouthful there) is rejection.
In order to avoid rejection by others (especially the ones we love), we strive to be, well, perfect. To say, do, look and act the “right” way. We may even tell ourselves that this behavior helps us become a better person and that’s how got so far in life in the first place.
What a lie! The truth is that perfectionism is self-destructive and it holds you back from being your true self in the world.
Also, before you decide that you're not a perfectionist, think again. We all have perfectionist tendencies - even if it's just for a small part of our lives. Become aware of it so that you can choose to act differently rather than have it reign over you.
Today fellow coach Olena Gisys is back to help us better understand perfectionism and gives us tips to stop worrying about what other people will think (will they judge me? will they reject me?...) so that we can just be ourselves (*sigh of relief*)
Topic Summary:
- How do we end up becoming perfectionists?
- How to stop letting these feelings of “never enough” hold us back
- Making the shift from bettering ourselves because we’re ashamed of our shortcomings to a place where we’re bettering ourselves for healthy achievement
- 3 tips to stop worrying about what others think
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Key Nuggets:
What is perfectionism:
It stems from shame and is a sense of having to do more and to do it right. The belief is that if you act perfect, look perfect and do things perfectly then it’ll minimize the feelings of shame, judgement and rejection.
You end up believing that you are your accomplishments, achievements and your looks (this is a false believe because you’re so much more than that. Ex. if you get fired from a job it certainly does not mean you’re a failure in life)
Why do we become perfectionists:
Usually comes from a sense of our more vulnerable self (perhaps the inner child) trying to survive.
3 Supertips To Stop Worrying About What Other People Think
We talk about about how positive self talk, taking action and mindfulness are your antidotes to perfectionism.
Links:
If you have any questions for Melanie or want to learn more, connect with her through:
Website: Superwoman.School
Email: Olena@Superwoman.School
Instagram: @olena.gisys